I could feel that I was being watched and I had a sneaking suspicion as to by whom. I had withdrawn from the others as I needed time alone; time to digest what had happened, what lay before us… what lay before me. For a long time, I have known that the day might come when I would need to accept my heritage, but wished it would have happened differently. Never in my imagination, could I have been ready for it to begin like it had. Even if our quest has been going on for a few months, it seems as if things have happened so suddenly and I… still feel like I am not ready. It is the reason why I left the others back at the camp, hoping to have escaped unnoticed.
Feeling the eyes on my back, I know that I have not succeeded. Of any of the people with us, I know that it could only be one that could get close enough, that could move so soundlessly. I do not move from where I had taken a seat. I hope that my watcher will realise that I am quite alright and more than capable of taking care of myself and leave me to my thoughts. Yet, still a part of me yearns for him to come forward and accompany me. He is the only one I feel will always be bearable to have around. If he decides to join me, I will not reject his company.
The time passes. My watcher seems to do nothing else than continue to be there. I have tried to spot him, but dressed in his green clothes he hides well among the trees, melting away into the dark. I did not allow myself to linger on, worrying about what he would do, so after a few seconds I let his presence be like the nature and sounds that surrounded us.
The next thing I become aware of is one of his slender hands placed on my right shoulder, unmoving for a moment, then afterwards squeezing gently to comfort me. I turn to look up into his eyes, seeing so much more in them than he normally allows anyone to see. I nod in answer to his unspoken question. He sits down beside me, not interrupting my thoughts further.
It feels good to have him beside me and I suspect that he knows what an influence he has on me. During our tasks I had come not only to know him better, but I have also slowly learned what a wonderful Elf he is. He has such big fëa that I do not know if I am even worthy to be more than his friend. It has slowly crept into my mind that I would want to be more than a friend to him, so sitting alone here makes me considerably stiffen as to what might possibly be expected from any one of us. The awakening feelings come with many new questions, mainly as to how they might fit into the constantly changing world of Arda Marred.
“You know it is not wrong to ask for help releasing the tensions of times like these. I would gladly help you if you needed it,” Legolas finally tells me when another long time has passed.
I turn to him, considering all possible meanings of the words he has just spoken. I wonder if he actually knows what he might have suggested. I am not sure if he understands my dark mood and the thoughts that strayed me into it. What decisions lay before me and would I be given any time to forget what dark things might happen? If it was the implication I heard, did he think I would easily accept the offer? Or was it that he had said it only because the outcome looks so uncertain.
“Mellon golwen, henial nin?” I ask him. [Wise friend, do you understand me?]
“I feel in my heart some of what you go through in your own heart. You ask yourself if you as a man can be worth being an equal to me. Im tîr?” [Am I right?]
I stare at him. With only a few words he acknowledged that he thought we have more together than a common friendship. He had not read my thoughts, but he had sensed my feelings. Even if I have lived long among elves they still amaze me; I have far from learned fully their abilities and secrets.
“You are right, mellonîn. Some of my thoughts center around my feelings for you… if there could be more be… more between us.” I confess. “Still I wonder if it is right of me to act on any of them, now.”
“If I did not possess the same feelings for you, I would never have offered to help you. I fell in love with you the first moment I saw you.” Against normal behaviour with the others, he kept my eye contact.
I think I lost all my ability to speak. His fëa looked bigger than I had originally thought it to be… and it gave me so many more questions. Why had I not seen it earlier?
Legolas had let his feelings show in his eyes, they turning from a soft sky blue to a dark sea blue, his gaze filled with a normally hidden desire. It strikes right at my heart and any remaining doubts I have, I let fly as I lean forward to close the space between us as our lips meet.
My actions tell him I accept his offer of help. I let him take the lead as Legolas begins to massage my tense muscles, smoothing my skin with his gentle hands. I felt some of my worries leave me, replaced with new strength as my clothes were unfastened and removed.
I miss him placing our cloaks on the ground until I suddenly lay on my back. His hands move over me, keeping me warm. I manage to get him out of his clothes and soon we lay together in all our bare-skinned glory.
“Geril chűr?” [Are you ready?] I almost don’t hear his question as I just allow myself to feel, as I allow my body to merely respond to what he does to me.
When at first, I don’t answer him, he stops, causing me to worry that he wishes to stop completely. “Meleth, anann últhiel o sen!” [Love, long have I dreamt of this!]
“Maer, sui mae nin melethen.” [Good, me as well, my love.]
The coming hour disappears in pure bliss. I ask myself why I waited so long for this to happen, then I silently promised myself that if we survive this war, I will do everything to preserve this.